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I just discovered my favorite author of the decade.  Maybe of the past several decades.

Every once in a while–say every five or ten years–I read a short story that blows me away. I still remember mulling over O’Henry’s “The Gift of the Magi” and Maupassant’s “The Necklace” (the MOST agonizing story ever written) as a fairly young kid, and Hemingway’s “The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber” when I was a bit older, moving on and up through O’Connor’s “Everything That Rises Must Converge,” Shaw’s “The Girls in Their Summer Dresses,” and Olsen’s “Tell Me a Riddle” (which is arguably more novella than short story).

But nothing in recent years has blown me away like the two stories I just read, both by Nathan Englander.

”Free Fruit for Young Widows” was my first exposure to him.  I’d never even heard of Englander before, but I stumbled across this short story in The New Yorker. (You can still read it online on their website.)  I thought it was incredible, so I checked Englander’s short story collection For the Relief of Unbearable Urges out of the library.

The whole collection is worth reading but the first story, “The Twenty-Seventh Man” is simply one of the best things I’ve ever read in my life. Period. It’s compassionate, harrowing, funny, poignant, horrifying . . . all in a few pages. And should be taught in every high school in this country. (An aside: there’s a character in it who has autism–at least I think he does; it’s not stated–and it was the most original, compassionate portrayal of autism I’ve seen since Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time.)

I’ve recommended these two Englander short stories to a bunch of people, ranging from Kim (who reads everything) to my father (who’s in his eighties) to my brother (who mostly reads scientific articles) and everyone has said it’s simply one of the best things he or she has ever read.

I don’t gush about a lot of modern writers, as anyone who reads these pages knows.  I was an English major in college, reading Dickens, Austen, Bronte and the like.  Most modern literature leaves me cold.  I don’t find the stories exciting or the people engaging.  It feels like the majority of short stories I read fall into the same pattern: a description of someone leading your basic life of quiet desperation, somewhat alienated from the people around him, with lots dialogue and details that sum up the meaninglessness of our daily pursuits, and a minor emotional epiphany at the end that leads to precisely nowhere.

But Englander tells a real story and he tells it like no one else.  His stories aren’t “familiar” but they are page-turners.  Frankly, I don’t need to recognize the boring, soul-sucking details of my own daily life in the stories I read: I’d much rather recognize something huge and painful about the way people torture and also love one another, about how compassion is the only healing force in the face of cruelty, about how parents can and should teach their children that, and about how we shouldn’t judge anyone until we know what his life has been.

Englander’s stories remind me of a beautiful and poignant quote from Olsen’s Tell Me a Riddle:

“Heritage.  How have we come from our savage past, how no longer to be savages–this to teach.  To look back and learn what humanizes–this to teach.  To smash all ghettos that divide us–not to go back, not to go back–this to teach.”

This is what Englander teaches.  Only he does it in the best way possible: by writing a story you can’t put down.

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Roughly 2 million years ago, I met Ann Brown in a “Mommy and Me” class.  She was leading the class, playing songs and singing “Wheels on the Bus” like a rock star, and dispensing warm, witty and wise advice to all us nervous new mothers.  I was an emotional cripple at the time, since my son hadn’t yet been diagnosed with autism so all I knew was that he was the “weird kid” in the class.  Ann was a great support at the time but we lost touch.  Thanks to the wonders of Facebook, we’ve reconnected.  She’s a parenting consultant with her own funny and brilliant blog which I highly recommend you check out.  So who better to ask for a list of the best parenting books out there?  Give one to a new mom for the holidays.    Or just read it yourself.  It couldn’t hoit.  But enough of me: the rest of the post is written by Ann.
 
As a rule, I am against anything that has “How To” in the title. It’s not just that I can be certain that, by the end of the book, I will NOT know how to (in fact, things will probably be worse); it’s that I am squarely against any one way to do something. I cannot think of even one thing. Dancing? No, lots of ways to cut a rug. Cooking a chicken? I think FoodTV.com has fifteen pages on chicken alone. Driving? I say no, but my fellow drivers may disagree.

And so it goes with raising kids. I am even loathe to use the newly minted verb “parenting”. It just smacks of smugness, don’t you think?

However, as a parenting instructor and consultant by trade (I’ve learned to live with the hypocrisy while I come up with a better career title) I read my share of “How To” books on raising children. And although most of them (the books, not the children) never make it to the shelf in my classroom (except as material for the arts and crafts Creation Station that my co-teacher sets up for the kids), there are a few shining beacons.

1. The Blessing of A Skinned Knee, by Wendy Mogul.
Ms. Mogul is a psychologist and an observant Jew, and she builds her
parenting philosophies on the foundational blocks of her Jewish beliefs.
The sub-title of the book is, “Raising Self-Reliant Children In An Indulgent
World”. She had me at “self-reliant”. I gave this book to my Mormon
co-worker after I read it because I wanted to make sure I didn’t love it just
because I am Jewish.
She immediately went out and bought seven copies, one for each of her
children. Read the rest of this entry »

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I’m no expert, just a mom whose son likes to read as much as she does.

My 15-year-old son just finished The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and its sequel Catching Fire (reviewed in these pages by Kim’s daughter Kelsey) and immediately said to me, “You have to read them, too.” 

We have a long history of reading books together.  Of course, it started when he was a baby and I read picture books to him, but long after I’d stopped reading out loud to him (and anyone who knows me knows I stopped doing that as soon as my kids could read to themselves), he and I would trade books or take turns with them.

I used to sneak into his room after he had fallen asleep to nab the new Harry Potter off of his night table so I could cram in a few chapters before my own bedtime.  (Now he stays up later than I do, so that kind of sharing doesn’t work so well anymore and I have to wait my turn.  Or he has to wait his.) 

We both love fantasy, so I made him read some of my favorites.  I gave him the best of the best, Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card when he was too young to appreciate it, forgetting that reading comprehension is a different skill from moral nuance comprehension.  But a few years later, he agreed to try it again–and loved it as much as I did.  Victory. 

More recently, I started passing on to him all the graphic novels I loved and he’s now as eager as I am to read the best of that genre.   I’m thrilled to have someone to talk with ad nauseum about Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman and Alex Robinson and a ton of others.

Book sharing took on a more official tone when Kim and I started a parent/son book club with a couple of other families.  Once a month we’d meet for dinner, wine (the kids got sparkling cider) and a discussion of a book that had been agreed upon at the previous meeting.  Many of our choices were suggested by our elementary school librarian Yapha Mason who has a book blog of her own and an inexhaustible knowledge of what kids at every age like to read.

Some books were huge hits with both parents and kids, but others were less successful.  One important lesson we learned was that kids mature fairly quickly and a bunch of 12 year olds will happily read a middle reader book but a bunch of 14-year-olds won’t.   We had to “grow” our choices along with our kids.   So here are my top suggestions for books to read with your teenaged son, ones that you’ll both enjoy.

This first group is good for 12 to 14 year olds.

1.  ENDER’S GAME by Orson Scott Card.   You saw that coming, didn’t you?  It’s exciting, riveting, action-packed–but the moral implications are explored for every choice the characters make and there are no easy answers.

2.  Hurt Go Happy by Ginny Rorby.  A very moving book about whether or not a chimp can be a domesticated pet and how inhumane humans can be to animals and to each other.  Read the rest of this entry »

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I didn’t buy the graphic novel Epileptic (Pantheon Press) because it was translated from the original French and I thought, “That will come in useful for a Translated Tuesday post.”  In fact, I didn’t even realize it was translated from another language until I started to notice that all the characters’ names were French and so were the locations. 

I bought it because I love graphic novels, this one had appeared on some “best graphic novel” lists, and the subject–a sibling with incurable epilepsy–spoke to me.   My nephew had epilepsy (happily, he outgrew it, which does happen with certain childhood types) and I remember how terrifying it was to see him suddenly collapse for no reason.  The drugs which controlled it made him a little sleepier, a little out of it.   That’s one of the problems with neurological disorders: almost any medication that helps also brings with it unwanted side effects.  The brain is a delicate and tricky thing.

Even more meaningful to me than my little familial history of epilepsy was that Epileptic is the story of a family struggling with a son’s neurological disorder that can never be cured.  My own son has autism.  I’ve written about it in two books.  He’s doing great and we are, without a doubt, among the lucky ones when it comes to that particular battle.  But it’s there, it’s always been there, and I had a feeling that David B.’s book would have a particular resonance for me because of it.

And it did.  The book tells the story–not always in chronological order–of the author’s childhood and young adulthood, from 1964 when he’s five until the 90′s when he’s working on this novel (and occasionally getting his parents’ not-always-positive feedback on it).  At first his family is a pretty normal French family, three kids–two boys and a girl-leading what seems to be a relatively content middle-class existence. 

Then his older brother has his first epileptic seizure. 

And from then on, his family is on a painful, psychological, medical, geographic and emotional journey that never leads them any closer to a cure. Read the rest of this entry »

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But it all starts with the books

I was close to tears.

It had happened twice.   The first time I sat down to watch the premiere episode of the Masterpiece Theater version of Charles Dickens’ “Little Dorrit,” I discovered it hadn’t recorded.  I was starting to panic when my daughter suggested I see if it was playing again.  Sure enough, I found it on another channel later that week and set the recorder.  But when I went to watch that recording, a different show appeared–and there were no more showing.  Twice thwarted in something I had been looking forward to, I had to struggle not to cry about a stupid TV show in front of my daughter.  What kind of example would that be for her?

It’s just . . .  my life is busy these days, which is nice, but sometimes overwhelming.  It’s so hard to find something that makes me purely and entirely happy, that doesn’t drain me or make me think of the ten thousand million other things I should be doing.   Sadly, I have so much obligatory reading these days–my daughter’s school book club, manuscripts people have asked me to blurb or review, novels my editors have suggested I read for inspiration, etc–and while much of it can be enjoyable, I still feel pressure to push through everything quickly.  And when I’m tired, sometimes I just want to stare at a screen. Read the rest of this entry »

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